Okay- blame this one on inspiration by Mike Nebeker and Beth Rappaport, who had to sing the Eric the Half-a-Bee song to the tune of Katse-the-Half-a-He. After reading that and suffering from Carbonated Nasal Syndrome, I had to sing too, and the rest came when my pet Devil took over my brain. Many thanks to Beth and Mike for fueling the fire. :-)
Enjoy!
I'm a doctor and I'm okay-
I sleep all night and I boss them all day. (Jerks thumb to the left)
(Lights come on to Kozaburo Nambu's left to reveal a choir of Kagaku Ninjatai)
He sleeps all night and he bosses us all day!
I stand and lecture, pontificate and pose,
I mumble silly technobabble.
My theories are always implausible,
But what the hell- it's all sci-fi prose!
He stands and lectures, will pontificate and pose,
He mumbles silly technobabble.
In truth he knows nothing about physics-
He got his degree from a box of Cheerios!
He's a doctor and he's okay,
He sleeps all night and he bosses us all day!
I wander around my office,
I've only left it twice,
My laboratories are run by two lab mice.
(insert scene of Pinky and the Brain running lab
Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
Pinky: "I think so Brain...but isn't Berg Katse really Claudia Schiffer?")
He wanders around his office,
He's only left it twice,
His laboratories are run by two lab mice! (Pinky: "Nya ha ha! NARF!!")
He's a doctor and he's okay!
He sleeps all night and he mumbles all day!
I cut down Ken, I nearly killed Joe,
Nobody expected the centrifuge skit!
I like to pickle mutant flowers,
And square dance with the UN (begins to alaman-left with President Anderson)
He cuts down Ken (Ken looks very sour)
Uses the centrifuge (Joe grabs head and screams "Ow! My brain hurts!")
And pickles mutant flowers (One of them eats Jun alive, then bellows "Feed me Seymour!!")
At night he square dances with the United Nations...? (stage suddenly busts open to reveal scene straight out of the broadway revival of 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers', with Nambu being swept off his feet by President Anderson)
Ryu: That's it! This has gotten far too silly! (stomps off-stage to darkened corner, where spotlight glows on him)
Ryu: I wish to complain in the stongest possible terms about the song which you have just broadcast, about the scientist who square-dances with the United Nations. The United Nations is an organization that has strove for many years to resolve international conflicts in a civilized manner without resorting to outright war on a daily basis. Many of my best friends are diplomats and only a very few of them square-dance. In fact, if you took it upon yourselves to attend a session at the UN headquarters I'm sure you would find it surprising that they do not in fact square-dance, but dance the tango instead. Why, just last week I had the pleasure of watching the ambassadors from Great Britain and Sweden performing the most erotic tango I have ever seen in many years...and I must tell you-
Giant animated foot suddenly drops from above and squashes him
Cut to a seashore. A far distance out a disheveled woman is seen struggling her way up the beach. She staggers towards the camera with great difficulty, then pauses to catch her breath. Suddenly she begins to tap-dance. At the end of her routine she swings her arms wide and announces:
Woman: "IT'S...!!"
Great animated silliness ensues, complete with scene of major-league baseball pitcher being buried by skip-loader filled with haybales of money, and another of flowers sprouting out of President Clinton's pants, which is promptly mowed by floppy South-Park styled paper cut-out Monica Lewinsky pushing a lawn mower.
PYTHONIAN GATCH II: Whither Utoland?
Titles end; ordinary-looking grey-suited man is sitting behind desk. It is Kozaburo Nambu. He smiles confidently.
Nambu: Good evening. Welcome to the show. Tonight we continue to look at some famous deaths. Tonight we start with the wonderful death of Berg Katse, warlord of the Gallactor Syndicate. Take it away, Katse.
Cut to interior of Cross Karocolm. To the music of Swan Lake, Katse is seen ballet dancing towards a burning chasm. With a final great swirling pirouette, Katse falls into chasm and plummets to certain death.
The Kagaku Ninjatai hold up cards with points on them, in the manner of ice-skating judges.
Nambu (voice-over): 9.1, 9.3, 9.5, 9.4. That's 37.3 for Berg Katse.
Insert scene of stock footage of theater, where many finely-dressed people are applauding.
Nambu: Bad luck, Katse. That puts you in third place. Good to have you on the show. And now here are the final scores:
Scoreboard with Animaniacs' Hello Nurse standing beside it. It reads as follows:
Joe Asakura: 39.9
Kentaro Washio: 39.7
Berg Katse: 37.3
Gallactor "Witch racer" Lucy: 29.6
Gallactor Devil Star Maya: 29.4
Professor Nakahara: 23.6
Nambu: Well, there you see the scoring. Joe Asakura is the winner with his epic demise at Cross Karocolm, then comes Kentaro Washio with his heroic sacrifice in the Van Allen incident. Next comes Berg Katse, followed by two of Gallactor's minions, and then Professor Nakahara, whom you will recall was crushed in an earthquake fissure in Gatchaman episode number four.
Scene of a bloody Joe Asakura accepting trophy from Hello Nurse, whom he suddenly and quite passionately kisses before gasping and falling into her arms.
Nambu: Thank you, Nurse. And now for this week's Request Death, which comes to us from Mrs. Violet Furbish of 265 Ipswitch Street in London; the death of the Mole Mecha captain.
Mole Mecha captain suddenly clutches chest and slumps over mecha's controls with a groan. The out-of-control mecha stomps over several skycrapers before finally collapsing on the sports arena where the NBA fundraising game for broke players is in progress.
Nambu: Oh, blimey- how time flies. Sadly we are reaching the end of our show. (He stands to deliver the final sign-off, and he is revealed to be wearing a great frilly square-dancing skirt) We are proud to be bringing to you the showcase of the greatest bucket-kickers ever. And now it is time to say good night. Good night-
Nambu is suddenly shot in the side by an arrow. With a surprised look on his face he slumps off-screen.
The end theme commences with a choir singing the Monty Python theme by only using the words "Dare Da."
Choir: "Dare da, dare da, dare dare daaaa... Dare da, dare da, dare dare daaa..."
The End (Thank God)
Giant foot squishes "The End" slogan.