Guest Review: Battle of the Planets Issue #12

Given that for weeks Top Cow was advertising the final issue of the BotP comic run as the grand finale, I went in all excited to finally see the conclusion to the many hanging plot threads that were never touched upon as this series wound down through its final issues. What were the aspirations of Spectra's discarded commander Korak and the Chaos Liberation Front? What was the mysterious connection between Zoltar and Chief Anderson? Who's that guy in the Church of Forgotten Saints and what happened to him? Is a coroner's team scraping chunks of Colonel Cronus off the walls of that office? Is Tiny's girlfriend Carla picking out china patterns at her local Macy's bridal registry? No problem, all is going to be answered in this "EXPLOSIVE finale in this special double sized issue", right? Let's open the book and find out!

SPOILERS AHOY! Back away from the monitor if you plan to experience this finale for yourself in the privacy and comfort of your own favorite comic-book store, Lazy-boy recliner, or bathroom! What, you can't resist? Okay, then! That's a big ten-four! Blast off!

Right out of the gate we're reintroduced to the cast and crew of our intrepid team of five. Why, just in case we forgot who they were? "For those of you reading for the first time- here's our heroes!" Zoltar gloats some more and the blissfully ignorant UAF is scrambled to scrap some Spectran iron. Princess tries in vain to warn them off, but the Phoenix's communications are being jammed by Spectra! Mark orders that they fire back to take out the UAF armaments. Spot the upcoming cliche and win a prize! Yep, guyz 'n galz, the armed forces now think that G-Force has gone bonkers and is in league with Spectra! Did the military even notice that this GIANT FREAKIN' MECHA took out the United Nations building to kidnap Anderson and UN Secretary General Kane last issue? Any PFC with half a brain cell could figure that they might be held captive on the thing, right? No sirree, kiddies, not in the Sharrieff Fanfic Universe!

Hey, I just noticed something! For the majority of pages in every issue beforehand, the story was told in a sparse three to four frames per page, a waste of space that could have been used to expand upon the stories and add to the action. After page four, there's an astounding five, six, sometimes even EIGHT frames per page! Does it help? Not when the action is so muddled you can't even tell what's going on! Where did that mecha go on page seven, anyway? Underground? Undersea? Inquiring minds want to know!

Page 8: Shut up and fly! Holy guacamole, scared Center Neptune employees! Are they afraid of the impending layoffs if Anderson gets toasted?

We finally get some explanation as to who Shiro is and why he's in the comic. But what exactly? Did he donate cells or sperm for Keyop's creation? Since cells and sperm are typically stored using liquid nitrogen to preserve their viability, does that make him Keyop's frozen pop? What is the significance of that book and scroll, anyway? "I Shiro, being of sound mind and body, do bequeath to my son Keyop, my mop, my pail, and fourteen million in cash, stocks and bonds..."

Armed forces commander is ready to drop the hammer on G-Force! Tomak has to think fast on how to save them while still appearing to be an asshole! But wait- the Rigans call him on his cellphone! What kind of calling plan does he have on that thing? Verizon Interstellar Family Talk Plan? Phone home, Tomak! Phone home!!

Rigans appear in delicious lemon, cherry and blueberry flavors! Blueberry looks like Queen/Senator/Anakin-love-squeeze Amidala! Why are they here? What is Tomak's mission? Why are they telling him to back off? Why even bother dangling these plot threads if you're not even sure if the G-Force comic is even going to get off the freakin ground? Holy badfic Birdman, does this mean Sharrieff is preparing to write the planned "G-FORCE" six-issue mini-series? NOOOOOO!!!!

Page 14: Damn, Mark's got more dialogue here than in the entire eleven-odd issues before this! Wouldn't it be a better team dynamic if they all figured a plot against Spectra together? We could've had a chance to see the team having an actual discussion! Hey, Munier, did you know that 99.99% of the human race knows what a GPS is, and those who don't just might have enough smarts to find out on their own? Team gets mysterious message from a "friend"! Pretty nifty considering their communications are being jammed! What a pal! Thanks for the scoop!

PRAISE ALERT!!! The sequence of the team fending off UAF missiles while undersea actually works! It's actually good! It's tense, it's plausible, it's intelligent, it's...it's...GOOD!! Why the hell couldn't the rest of the series be like this?

Hey Mark--who are you referring to as "the boys"? Are those the repair drones introduced in issue #8? For God's sake, we actually *need* a freakin' footnote here!

Mark corners Jason for a come-to-Jesus talk! Yay, are we finally going to get that explanation Mark should have chased him for last issue? No? What the hell is Jason talking about? Why couldn't he just say that he had to fake the assassination attempt to appear cool to the bad guys he'd infiltrated to get his revenge? It would've taken less space than that mess of an argument, would have re-established the two as friends, teammates, and occasional rivals, and what exactly is the implication of "bein' a bad guy is in my genes", anyway? Who the hell kidnapped the gunner and replaced him with GETZ? Why Mark isn't unnerved enough about Jason's comments to punch his lights out and then hold him in the brig until he gets some straight answers is beyond me. Look, Mark's trusting him enough after that to allow him to accompany the team into the Spectran base! What a moron!

Wow, lookit all the mechas! Someone must've bought that new Takarajima-sha Gatchaman book and read about all the mechs that appeared in each episode!

Whoa, shark-mech out of nowhere! Must mean G-Force is near an enemy installation! Yup, there's goons coming in all directions! Team infiltrates base! Page 27: excellent line, Mark!

Page 29: Who's Mark telling to stand in the corner? Jason? "You tried to kill Anderson! Bad gunner, bad! Go stand in the corner until you learn how to act like the real character!"

Keyop always wanted to wave smelling salts under someone's nose? What kind of weird freakin' fetish is that?

Page 30: Way to go, helmsman! You rock! I always knew you rocked! It's great to see you doing something besides pushing the Phoenix's controls and mooning over Carla!

Hot damn, this whirlwind pyramid sequence actually looks great! I love the detail of Anderson holding onto Kane and using his belt to anchor them in place. I haven't seen that done since Bill Paxton and Helen Hunt did it in the movie "Twister"! Mad escape scene! Why hasn't the force of impact against the ground ripped the warship's wing off? It's anime physics in action! Madame Kane loves G-Force! G-Force loves Madame Kane! The Good Guys win again! Whoooo!! But wait- isn't there some unfinished business? Isn't the title of this comic "Destroy all Monsters"? Get back there and blow up the base, you idiots! Waitaminnit! Where's Jason?

WHAT?

Excuse me- did I miss something a few issues back? When exactly did Jason get kicked out of G-Force? Why the hell is he offering services to the leader of the organization he hates the most? If he's in league with Spectra, what is the entire point of his lust for revenge against them, and his little bender in the "Jason: Hell" one-shot comic that cost him the life of his uncle?

The cliffhanger this issue leaves us with pretty much napalms what little characterization Jason had in the issues before- his motives for revenge against Spectra, the raw nobility he showed in issues #8 and #9, the risk he put to his injured self when he rescued Tiny's girlfriend...this is the appearance of a totally different personality than what we've seen before in the comic and it's more nauseating than the marginally forgivable character homicide he was dealt in issue #2 and #3. This is not merely a character homicide, it's desecration of the character's grave. If this was done to introduce a new plot twist that's to be revealed in the planned "G-Force" mini-series, then this is not only by far the most disingenuous set-up I have ever seen, but a massive lapse in judgement on the part of the publisher. The "G-Force" comic mini-series is still in the planning stages according to Top Cow personnel I talked to at the San Diego Comic-Con, and they could not even determine if Munier Sharrieff was slated to write it. If it's in the planning stages and the writer is yet to be announced, then there is the chance that it could be taken in a new direction by different creative staff, or shelved in favor of focusing effort onto more lucrative titles. Ending this comic at this cliffhanger, and without even answering all of the loose plot points I mentioned at the begining, with no assurances that the new mini-series' creation is set in stone and due to be released at a determined date, is a huge disservice to readers. I cannot stress that enough.

A note about the letters in the back of the book--while it's nice to know how much everyone in the creative staff enjoyed working on this series, I can't help but see it as wasted space that could have been devoted to the comic itself. As it is, seeing all those good-byes does nothing but perpetuate the notion that none of them will be associated with the mini-series if it does launch. You know something? I honestly hope that's the case. This comic, while it consistently carried gorgeous art by David, Ross, Tortosa, and Udon Studios, deserved so much better than the scripting it got.

Now I'm going to wait with fingers tightly crossed for the upcoming BotP "Manga" series written by David Wohl. It will be interesting to see how the series is treated by a different writer in comparison. And drink a case of beer- anything to dull the pain of this final issue.

Katharine Foust-Martin (I think I need more than beer)
Disturbed in NorCal
tkmartin@comcast.net

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