You Know You've Been in Japan
Too Long When...

...You bow while talking on the phone.
...You are ashamed because you can't slurp your ramen as loudly as the salaryman next to you.
...You get on a bus or train and fall asleep instantly.
...You are accustomed to following directions like, "Turn left after the Megane Doragu, then take another left at the beer vending machine...."
...You won't take any lip from Japanese teenagers because you've been in the country longer than they have.
...The footprints on the toilet seat are yours.
...You see an empty space on a train seat next to another foreigner, and you refuse to take it because "you never know what those gaijin will do."
...You see another foreigner in your neighborhood and wonder what he's doing on your turf.
...Slogans like "Vegetable Communication" and "For Beautiful Human Life" no longer faze you.
...You take a trip and spend at least two hours shopping for omiage ("souvenirs") for the people at your office.
...You don't mind spending the equivalent of $50 for a box of rice crackers to take home as omiage.
...You're asked to help natives find their way around the Tokyo subway system.
...Not only do you enjoy drinks like Pocari Sweat and Calpis Water, but you serve them to other foreigners.
...Japanese words like natsukashii and naruhodo find their way into your ordinary English conversation.
...You watch a bilingual Hollywood movie in Japanese because you like the voice actors.
...You know "English literature major" is a polite way to say "peanut brained bimbo."
...You use the Japanese "excuse me" hand gesture while crossing the street or after you bump into people--in your own country.
...You go home for a holiday and ask your parents which garbage can to use for burnables.
...You go home and spend ten minutes standing in front of a department store door, wondering why it won't open automatically.
...You are no longer even surprised by a newspaper comic about the adventures of a man's genitals ("Yaruki Manman"), a "sports section" that features nude girly pictures and a column entitled, "I Love Sexual Harrassment."
...You think that receiving deep-fried shrimp heads in a restaurant is something to smile about.
...You think those smelly little dried fish sold as snacks in liquor stores are an excellent source of calcium.
...You get confused between the terms, "going home to (your native country)" and, "coming home to Japan."
...You completely forget how to write checks.
...All of your shoes are mashed down in back.
...You are shocked when a little English passage on a T-shirt or cereal box isn't all that bad.
...You no longer consider cereal a breakfast food, but just a snack. Miso soup, rice and a green salad... now there's the breakfast of champions!
...You're considering buying an ashtray for your bicycle.

You can find more of these in soc.culture.japan
and fj.life.in-japan.

All Japan stories (c) Wendy Dinsmore 2004.

You Know You've Been in Japan Too Long When...

You Know You've Been in Japan
Too Long When...